ed #2: A Storyteller's Tale From Shame to Silver Linings
Bare HEARTS: Q&A with writer, mental health advocate, and surthriver Mesa Fama
“One of the most beautiful things is watching someone light up when talking about the thing or people they love.”
Hi all and welcome to Bare HEARTS!
This is a new Q&A series for inspiring Substackers to share intimate details about self-love, relationships, core values, radical responsibility, and well-being.
Bare HEARTS because we are so exhausted of holding up the pretty presentation. It is like we are all waiting for someone to come and tell us that it is okay to get super transparent and just be. This is the place. This is our okay.
Holding space for love & honest conversation as we grow with one another.
Mesa Fama is a mental health advocate, human behavior analyzer, lover of all things psychology and neuroscience related, freethinker, and a truth teller. Her substack publication, Let The Words Fall Out, is a space where curiosity and the desire to deeply connect is transformed into beautiful written expression. Mesa writes about honesty, communication, compassion, empathy, and love. Her Substack often appears on the leaderboard in Literature.
Mesa also has a second publication, I Dissent, which she mentions in this Q&A.
What I love about Mesa…
Reading Mesa's work, you can instantly feel how her words fall directly from an honestly hopeful heartspace. Perhaps I love her most for her ability to use her profound sensitivity as a superpower. Mesa has this fire inside, at times ignited by anger and frustration, but always passionate and loving.
When I think of Mesa's voice, this quote by Eckhart Tolle comes to mind:
‘The only actions that do not cause opposing reactions are those that are aimed at the good of all…”1
I love Mesa because she is here writing for this good of all. Both her writing and her politics are rooted in a deep love for humanity and the endless belief that a better world is possible.
I love how beautifully human she is, with her doubts and her determination, her sense of wonder and her incredibile will - driven by both her healing journey and capacity for awe. I am reminded that we need to see the fragility as much as the fight to feel connected. I am so thrilled that she is here with us. So let's get to know her better. Here is…
Who was your ‘hero’ growing up? What characteristic of this hero do you see in who you are today?
Princess Leia aka Carrie Fisher, more than anyone else was my shero when I was a kid. I saw the power she had; she wasn’t just another princess locked away somewhere waiting to be rescued. She was rebellious and even though she did need rescuing every now and then, she also fought for good. She was fearless. And she loved fiercely. I wanted that kind of power and fearlessness, especially as a kid because I was always afraid.
She showed me that I didn’t have to be afraid and that I could fight too. I think that I’m partly the fighter I am today because of her - seeing her become a fighter in real life, an advocate for mental health by virtue of sharing her own stories and struggles with us all.2 She taught me so much straight into adulthood. She showed up, “flaws” and all – giving me and countless others permission to do the same.
I’d like to believe I’m helping to do that too. Through my words and interactions with others, I am giving people permission to be themselves- to be wholly human.
What has been your hugest act of courage so far?
Staying alive.
Would you feel comfortable explaining?
I am a two attempt suicide survivor and my brain did its very best to try to make me believe that this life isn’t worth it, that I would never feel better, that I would always feel like the world is better without me. And to fight that day in and day out takes courage and determination.
To face this life in all its beautiful brokenness and not let it take me, is courageous.
What is your go-to personal mantra?
I’m okay. I’ll be okay.
What particular aspect of yourself took a long time to accept? Did anything influence this act of self-love?
That I’m worth loving. It took me many years and lots of therapy to actually believe that I’m worthy of being loved and cared about. When my mom died, I stopped trying to make her proud of me, I didn’t have anyone else but myself to make proud. For most of my life, all I wanted was for her or my grandma to be proud of me, to see me, to notice that I was trying so hard to be everything that I thought would make them love me. I had to learn to love myself, be proud of myself, and stop living for outside validation.
What pretty presentation do you still find difficult to let go of?
That I can be ALL the things to EVERYONE.
Lately, is your inner voice more loving & supportive or shameful & mistrustful? When it is shameful & mistrustful, what do you do to tame it?
My inner critic loves to berate me, especially at night when my brain power has dwindled. I fight it off by reminding myself that I’m okay, I’m just tired, I’m not actually a terrible human being. And then I listen for the loving voice that I’ve cultivated. She comes in and reminds me to rest and walks me through all the good things from the day. I hold onto the good.
What soothes you on a really bad day?
Listening to Nat King Cole will instantly calm me down and put me in a happier head space. And eating a piece of dark chocolate. Also, watching a comfort show. Wrapping myself in my favorite blankets and turning on Pretty Woman or Empire Records. Fettucine Alfredo with chicken or spaghetti and meatballs will also do the trick!
Tell us about a personal failure or disappointment that wound up being a giant leap forward.
When my husband and I stopped producing films, I was sad and disappointed to let go of our dream. But, it catapulted me into focusing on my writing.
Producing films is a long process, especially documentaries, and it takes a lot of effort and money; when you don’t get the response you’d hoped for or it doesn’t take off the way you thought it would, it’s hard to keep going. So, moving away from that realm and diving into my writing opened new ways of creating for me. Sometimes the leap is a push in another direction.
What part of your life needs the most love right now?
The biggest challenge I am facing right now is actually with my creativity/writing life. I am feeling like I am stuck and second-guessing everything I do. It's out of the norm for me as usually I'm pretty confident in my writing. But in this moment, I'm struggling.
What does success feel like for you? Have you achieved it or is it still a work-in-progress?
For me, success feels like contentment. I'm content in my marriage, I feel happy and loved. We’ve been together for 15 years now which is huge for both of us.
As I said, my writing life is mixed right now, I'm not unsuccessful, but I'm not content yet. I’m not where I’d like to be, but I’m working on it.
What or who will you never stop fighting for?
I will never stop fighting for the betterment of all. I will always call out injustice and this governmental insanity.
I believe using our voices is one of the most powerful things we have, and it is our duty to stand up when faced with the threat of fascism. I chose to start a separate publication this year called, I Dissent, to give myself and other writers an additional platform to use our voices to dissent against this current regime. It's small, but it's a contribution that I feel good about.
What are you currently working on?
The things I'm currently working on are growing my Stack, writing more poetry - I've been working on a chap book now for about a year. I am also diving back into my memoir with a fresh start and restructuring the story. I'm cautiously optimistic about everything I have going on!
If you could choose only one core value to master, which would it be?
I was once told by my therapist that one of my biggest strengths is serendipity - not in the way you normally hear about it (happy accidents), but in the way that it can be cultivated into a new perspective. It's about finding the silver linings in the randomness and uncertainty, which I have been mostly able to do.
Define beauty
I can find beauty anywhere; I feel like I carry it with me wherever I go. I think that beauty is so much more than something that is aesthetically pleasing. It’s a feeling or a presence. Much like home isn’t exactly a place, but holds an emotional heft akin to comfort.
If you had to give one piece of advice to today's youth, what would it be?
As bad as you think it is right now, as horrible as you might feel right now, please know that it gets better. It really does.
The bad days will fade, and good ones will replace them. It matters that you don’t give up. Really this goes for everyone - not just youth.
What or who keeps your hope for this world aflame?
The good I still see humans doing. I believe that there is always something good to find and that is what keeps my hope alive.
Speaking of keeping hope and goodness alive, we lost a love warrior recently. On Substack, you have shared your deep sense of loss regarding the passing of Andrea Gibson. Would you share a few words with us here?
Andrea's death has blown all of our hearts wide open, even the ones who are learning about them for the first time. If that's you - welcome to the party of a lifetime, stay and dance awhile with all of us.
When the news hit the airwaves about their death on July 14th, I immediately felt like I'd lost a close friend. I didn't personally know Andrea, only through their words and a few brief interactions on social media. I say "only through their words" which honestly to a writer is about as close sometimes as you can get to someone who bares their heart and soul through poetry and prose.
When I first discovered Andrea years ago, I felt such a kinship because of their raw truth-telling in poetic form, not just written but spoken-word. To call them prolific feels trite - they are and always will be otherworldly, but also very much of this world. They changed me, they made me feel less alone, they taught me to see - I mean really see - this life and how beautiful and brutal it can be. Their piece "Every Time I Ever Said I Want To Die" broke me open the first time I read it. To be called a grief astronomer and to have the darkness acknowledged the way Andrea did, changed me.
And even though it feels like such a loss (it is), I also know they aren't gone, not really. They're still here through their words, through all of us who love them, through Meg (
) their partner, who is carrying on the heartaching job of sharing Andreas' previously unreleased words. No, even though their body could not be contained here any longer, Andrea's soul is infinite, and for that - I am so grateful. They will continue to blow hearts and minds wide open forever.Is there anything else about anything that you want to bare with us?
Speaking about Andrea, brings me back to something that I touched upon in my answer to question #3 about my hugest act of courage. Being a suicide survivor comes with a lot of stigma and sometimes shame.
For many years, I would not share my story unless it was with a therapist or someone I trusted. I am only able to talk about it now because of how many years it has been - well over two decades.
I've learned how to give myself grace and see through new eyes what I was going through, and by new eyes I mean forgiveness. I finally forgave myself for not knowing, not understanding, and sinking into a despair that held no other way out for me - until it didn't and wasn't the way out.
I survived. And I realized in 2016, I could tell about it. So that's precisely what I did. I wrote a "viral" piece back then for a mental health website called The Mighty, entitled "Please Stop Saying Suicide is Selfish" and the response was overwhelming. I found my voice inside that piece. I realized the power in shared stories and how words can connect us in a human and beautiful way.
How lucky are we to be the storytellers and poets who have the privilege to connect with others? Only ever always - the luckiest.
prompt! (to express, to create, to grow, to share)
Today’s theme is finding silver linings (and more love and joy).
More than once, I have been asked: ‘But in a world like this, how is it possible to hold on to joy?’ I know that it feels impossible at times. We are living through a difficult to digest global mess right now. But it isn’t impossible when we redefine our definition of joy and become our own storytellers.
Joy is not something that we experience when things and people bring us pleasure or something goes right, but then can be immediately washed away by events that disturb or hurt us - our personal failures, loss.
Joy is not fragile.
It is a durable inner smile that remains even with our disappointment and suffering. It is not only about being grateful either. Joy is held up by an energetic belief in serendipity and silver linings.
Joy is the active choice to believe in possibility, to believe in the goodness of people, to have faith that our small actions make a difference, that every loving thought, word, and action matters. Joy is holding on to hope in ourselves no matter what; underneath those terrible voices (the shame and the blame), there is a silver lining of love and self-love, compassion and forgiveness, there is strength.
I will be okay because I love myself. The world will be okay because love wins.
Joy is when, with determination and courage, we seek meaning from a sense of wonder instead of settling into a state of hopelessness. And from this space, we can all rewrite every story from a brighter, internal light.
Grab your journal or just your mind for a moment:
Think of a time when you were feeling hopeless and then turned your mood around by finding the silver lining. In what way did this create positive change?
What is something that you are currently feeling shameful or at blame for? Begin to rewrite this. Create an affirmation or set of affirmations to help you create more love for yourself and a more empowering feeling about the experience.
Write a poem entitled, No More Shame or Silver Linings.
(feel free to share. we would love it.)
If you enjoyed this interview with Mesa, subscribe now to support her work at Let The Words Fall Out and I Dissent with Mesa Fama.
Let’s keep the conversation going. Your voice is so important here. Tell us what resonated with you the most or drop a question or comment for Mesa here:
You grow with us. We grow with you. xo Danni
A few favorites for further reading with Mesa
And if you missed the first edition of Bare HEARTS with , here it is:
*this new series was inspired by
.“…They are inclusive, not exclusive. They join; they don't separate. They are not for "my" country but for all of humanity, not for "my" religion but the emergence of consciousness in all human beings, not for "my" species but for all sentient beings and all of nature…” - from Eckhart Tolle's book, A New Earth.
Learn more about Carrie Fisher. Tap here.
 | A guest post by
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Thanks so much for having me Danni! 🩵🩵🩵
Mesa and Danni, I loved this interview. Thank you for the thoughtful questions, Danni, and Mesa, I'm so blown away by your ability to transcend your pain and shame and also fully include and embrace it at the very same time. I just love you to pieces. (Also, I'm 💯 when you on both the spaghetti front and the deep love of Empire Records!) ❤️❤️❤️