Only two choices
back to the basics: being King, creating Love, applying an extra definition of courage
“Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it.” - Gandhi
Hi there! I am pretty busy. I am cooking for a lady who wants to reclaim her health at age 70. I am mothering, wife-ing, sister-ing, and daughter-ing. I am still painting lots of things. My life is full, as is yours. So, I did something yesterday. With 109 letters published and 93 drafts saved - most of them probably with a few words that make no sense like: pumpkin pie quote or dog over fence photo or polka dot dress and sunshine - I went back to the bottom, my oldest … to see what I didn’t publish. And I found what I am going to share with you today. It was supposed to be my second letter to you. But then life got in the way and I was speaking about death instead.
So here it is. Going back to the basics.
first reminder: there is nothing basic about basic.
(originally written on October 9, 2024 but honestly, I could have written this yesterday.)
Hi there! I am Danni and I write about lots of things, everything really, because my main theme is love and love is everywhere and in everything.
Love is the foundation of every question and every answer, every SOS, every response - and even in its seeming absence, love is…
there.
I created this space choosing the name How To Live This Life. This can be a question or an affirmation. But for me - for the purpose of our encounters here - it is the prompt for an ongoing conversation where we will be saying, ‘we just don’t know’ a lot. In this loving space, we are going to practice doing and being Love - Love, and not sweating it. Any of it.
The thing I desire to do best in this life is Love. I am deeply devoted.
Not sweating it -
the only suggestion I have to live and love this life fully. If this is enough for you, maybe you will decide to stop reading. You got your answer. Have an amazing day!
If this is too little, I suggest you unsubscribe. You won’t find much else except reminders (of all types and many hidden) to love yourself and your life unconditionally. If you opt out, I promise not to sweat it. I have gotten to be an expert at this. I find it to be the most loving solution.
But maybe like me, you need to be constantly reminded of this. I forget to love myself and my life unconditionally. And this is why I continue to write - to remember, to return.
If I could choose only one quote to master, it would probably be this…
“I’ve no problem because I don’t mind what happens.” - J. Krishnamurti
I keep asking: how to get there? how to get there? how to get there?
And: How ok can I be with not knowing, ok with not being in control of lots of things?
(Welcome to my life!)
Underneath this, other questions:
What can we know, really?
What do we already know, really?
What do we believe to know but is really conditioning - someone else telling us what we must know and believe?
Where can I let go of the need to control?
What doesn’t require thought, just sweet heartsense?
(gotta answer this last one - friends, so much more than our mind knows)
Think about this. Without longing for answers.
more than think… open your heart and allow what arrives to arrive - often it will be emotion and sensation, not words.
Ease comes from understanding the sacredness of questioning, not seeking more input… eliminating the excess.
As Bruce Lee said: “It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential."
(tip: apply this to everything.)
The reasoning: If we know that we can never know something or know that we don't really need to know everything we believe we need to know, we can move on to what we can know, what is essential
like
the importance of loving one another, improving compassion, feeling blessed to be alive…
forgiving ourselves for how imperfect we are (and feeling the perfection in this), not sweating a thing.
we can know how many loads of laundry we need to do (and know that we can do them as an act of love instead of bitching through the cycles)
and how many people we need to make dinner for (and prepare meals with a full, generous heart instead of wishing this task away and cooking up extra servings of suffering).
We can know that
we need Nature because we are Nature…
(repeat this: i am nature. i am nature. i am nature. i treat myself sacredly because i am nature.)
we need rest, slower rythmns, simplicity, deeper feelings, connection, attention, and love…
that self-love is the most important thing to know by heart because it affects everything else on our list of what we can know.
The list is important.
It is how we prioritize. It is where we decide what we are deeply devoted to. Are you devoted to running around and never catching up, residing in the Land Of Overwhelm where tension, anger, regret, shame, and frustration reign, or… maybe something much more deserving?
The List… it is how we separate love, joy, community, and creativity from the excess. So think. Create space. What are you taking off of your list?
I have another bonus question for ya. Who is control of your Kingdom? I want the answer to always be ‘me’ (meaning you).
We make life so complicated.
We tangle ourselves up in our minds. We let our mind take control of the remote when we all know that the heart chooses the much better, higher quality stories to watch and experience. The beauty of this heart of ours,
(close your eyes, take a breath, feel it)
it allows us to feel it all, even cry and laugh at the same exact time. Incredible…
slow
down
take
another
breath.
breathe like a tree, no thinking all heart. Feel your feet on the ground. You are Nature. You are here. Incredible!
The heart will take you places the mind cannot even imagine.
When the mind is at its worst, it is a complete monster - A boogie man, that is what it is. Maybe this is why it is so scary to enter the darkside of the soul. And yet, we need our mind - of course we do - and maybe even the scary thoughts as well - definitely the scary thoughts as well.
How can I be substantial if I do not cast a shadow? I must have a dark side also if I am to be whole” - C.G. Jung
The mantra: All parts of me belong. Every part a piece of my beautiful whole.
But the mind… it is here to challenge us… it will make us feel like we have been tied up and thrown in the hallway closet by the devil of a kid we are babysitting for; chasing after this kiddie is absolutely relentless and exhausting.
Today I told my husband, I just wish that I had someone who could think for me.
Just for a while.
Blank space. Would be nice for a while. No decisions. No this or this. No doubt.
It has been that type of period. (🤔 Is an entire life a period? 🙃😉.)
And honestly, I would never want that. Blank space.
Our freedom to choose the type of life we are living is a true gift. But the mind does need to be tamed. And this is tricky.
“An untamed mind is a minefield.” - Brianna Wiest
Another mega question: How to tame the mind?
how to? how to? how to?
BOOM!💥
A reminder - this is not a ‘how-to’ space. We focus on our focus, not the answers.
Basically, more than anything else, we are here together learning how to make not knowing feel like absolutely enough.
But let’s sit with it. and sit with it some more. don’t run. don’t feel defeated. just sit. and keep loving.
Do you have any other suggestions? Please share. 👇
Mind aside.
Ha!… in the end, life is pretty simple. There are only two choices on how to live this life. The question you will be called on to answer through every experience, encounter, and endeavor is this:
Will you do it with love or will you succumb to fear? Our mind goes in one of these two directions.
Love or fear.
Clearcut. Only two not so basic emotions from which all of our other emotions come from.
And yet… emotions, I do believe we have a choice of which ones we allow to enter into our life, which we invite to TAKE UP SPACE.
joy or sadness, passion or defeat, compassion and empathy or hate, creativity (vitality!) or numbness,
Love or Fear
Although, most of us live as if we don’t. Like we don't have choices.
Reminder: You Are the King of your kingdom
And this becomes our biggest problem - How do I create a healthy relationship with my emotions? How am I choosing to perceive and experience myself and my life - the dreams and the dangers, the wins and the challenges? the love and the fear? (btw, not choosing is a choice)
reminder: you will never get the answers if you don’t ask the questions. and often, the question is enough to shift us away from the excess and towards the essential.
open (
I am not a die-hard optimist. My energy is not about eliminating the shit. Every time I write something pep-talky-ish, it is to bring us back to balance. Because life is not all shit. Even when we feel immersed in the stankiest stuff.
Life is beautiful when we embrace the fullness. Life is always Life. It is always beautiful and full.
Full = complete = everything included
close )
Back to the question and our choice.
“The #1 regret of those on their deathbeds is ‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.’” - Bronnie Ware
The conundrum of living is that during the period when we still believe time is plentiful, we also fear expressing ourselves fully, we fear the losing before we put ourselves in the game, we fear being seen - someone confirming that we are unloveable, we fear so many unspoken things
just living is terrifying
(there, I said it for us. And it is okay to admit. It is so much more loving to name it than to leave it there to hover in dark solitude.
Fear, I see you.)
Courage is not always about doing the scary stuff scared; it is also facing the realty that you are stuck, accepting when you cannot move forward, loving yourself anyway (which is definitely forward motion).
and as a result, time passes until we realize time is running out, and our biggest regret is that we weren’t courageous enough to live a life true to ourselves while we had the chance. And when we get to this point - the ‘it is too late’ point - we freeze with this lie. Yes, a lie, because it is never too late as long as there is breath in your lungs and a beat to your heart. As long as your Trust.
The only truth is that time passes. And as it passes, actively or inactively, with or without intention, you are either making choices based on love or based on fear.
All too often, our lives are controlled by the illusory constructs of our minds — time and fear, time is ticking and it is tormenting us.
The alternative?
i can start where i am. i can start where i am. i CAN start where i am.
Return to your heart, to the Now. The way is extremely basic. It is like a living meditation. When you realize you have strayed, you U-turn yourself back to love. Every time you notice that you are leaning on the side of fear (and all the emotional derivatives), you lovingly remember that you choose love. And you do this as many times and as often as necessary.
i choose love. i choose love. i choose love. i choose love.
We wake up fall asleep wake up fall asleep wake up fall asleep wake up fall asleep.
obsess pause question
freeze awaken reflect respond repeat
doubt question doubt respond repeat
Welcome to the living practice.
This is what I mean by the living practice. There is nothing abstract about this. Staying faithful to love requires skills, habits, mindful commitment. It is a lifetime practice because we do not want to sleep through this life. And in no special order, it involves this type of devotion:
asking the questions
taking the magical pauses. slowing down when you think you are about to fall yes before the fall. I learned this on my yoga mat.
unapologetic rest. great sleep.
doubting and doubting even more: do I believe this or was I taught to believe this?
endless curiosity and wonder
kindness compassion forgiveness love gratitude gratitude gratitude.
connecting. realizing you disconnected. connecting again. remembering to reconnect to what is right, which is what feels right for you in your body mind and heart.
do the right thing. knowing that the right thing is rarely the easy comfortable thing. stop chasing easy.
believe. keep faith because it is absolutely necessary. and spread it. it may just be an inner smile spread out and wide one person at a time.
post this reminder somewhere you will see it regularly: it all passes. make this your mantra. it all passes. it helps us to move forward instead of freeze.
function as integrally as possible. this has nothing to do with perfect, never will. love and hurt wholly. face the fear of being fully human. you will never regret it.
make your main goal to say, I have done love. I did not miss this life.
How to live this life is to live it remembering that even when it isn't what you want or expect, it is still your life happening. This now is your life! And you can always transform it into what you need.
this now is my life. this now is my life. this now is my life.
This Now Is My Life.
So I am here - on Substack
somewhat lost, somewhat fearful - different days come with different degrees - and this, after decades of inner dipping and diving. I knew I would be here when I began.
Lost is so very human.
But I am not the same. The difference?
I am always more okay with this lostness than I was before.
Lost feels less scary when you learn to love your whole self.
Let's go back to the first quote…
Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it.
It continues with this…
You can’t ever really know the meaning of your life. And you don’t need to. Every life has a meaning, whether it lasts one hundred years or one hundred seconds. Every life, and every death, changes the world in its own way. You can’t know. So don’t take it for granted. But don’t take it too seriously. Don’t postpone what you want. Don’t leave anything misunderstood. Make sure the people you care about know. Make sure they know how you really feel. Because just like that...It could end. ―Gandhi
Make sure your love is at least a little bit stronger than your fear - I would add this. And choose to love yourself. Of course, I will keep reminding us.
my heart reaching out towards yours, xo Danni
This is such a beautiful piece, Danni! I’m glad you finally published it, and I’m glad I came across it when I did. There are so many nuggets of wisdom, but my favorite is, “we are here together learning how to make not knowing feel like absolutely enough.” That is the key, isn’t it?! ♥️
“Breathe like a tree.” So good, my dear!